I’m currently on a good roll right now so need to get this done now.
I think I’m am one of the millions of victims of depression. I was diagnosed with it years ago, and my mum has suffered with clinical depression for as a long as I can remember. It was just a part of growing up. I remember a time when I was in primary school. I was in the kitchen with my mum. Next minute, she storms out into the living room and screams. At the same time I heard something smash on the connecting wall. Immediately after, she was laughing. She opened the door, and told me to come and look. She had thrown one of our vases at the wall. The thing was, the vase was intact on the sofa, and there was a massive chip in the dado rail.
When I was growing up I told myself, “I’m going to be a happy person when I grow up. And if I have children, they won’t see their mummy cry for no reason and have mood swings and they won’t feel like they’ve done anything wrong if they actually haven’t.” Meanwhile, I’m being the worst girlfriend I could ever imagine by taking out all my struggles and strains on him, I’m hardly talking to him, and I just want to be left alone. When we do talk I’m in tears feeling worthless and pathetic.
Uni work has gone completely down the pan. I feel like I have no energy and no motivation. Because of this, I’m not eating. And because I’m not eating, I have no energy and no motivation. I’ve been feeling okay for the past hour or so, but that’s about as long as it lasts. I’ll be in tears later tonight. I just know it. I don’t enjoy life anymore. Everything I used to love, I can’t be bothered with anymore.
I do have way too much on my mind. I don’t respond to stress well. The problems I have right now to a normal person are nothing. To me, they mean the end of the world. I always feel 10 minutes behind everything and everyone and I can’t catch up.
I can already feel my mood sink by the second.
I’m putting this out there for anyone who feels they are in the same position. Ironically, I am a Psychology student, but I’ve come to realise that I can give people advice on practically anything, but I can’t take it for myself. Therefore, I’m hoping if there is anyone out there who understands maybe we can help each other?